Divas & Depression: Level 5/Removing Temptations
I watched a Youtube video about a run on a long course towards the sunrise that Native American girls must impart as a passage from girl to womenhood. The girls begin with a ritual and then the girl runs just about a quarter mile as a ceremonial passage of completion.
There’s a similarity in that Men in many cultures and generations must endure a long and rigorous journey from boyhood to manhood. In some African and Asian tribes, the elongating of the necks or jumping from a few stories to the grounds, while attached to a rope, to show the village that they can endure pain or show the extravagance of the long neck; symbolizes a type of passage to maturity.
There’s an old tale by Homer called the Odyssey where Ulysses embarks on a voyage and finds him and his crew on a path towards what Abraham Maslow refers to as Self-Actualization. On his voyage, he and his crew encounter the Sirens who are the ugliest (self-actualization? Lol) yet magical beings that sing to distract men from their journey. There role is similar to Medusa in that men because of these ugly women (and their voices? Lol) never make it to their destinations. These ugly women become a Temptation.
In Divas & Depression, for the LGBTQ Community, we never really know if the world we go towards is the general heterosexual world intended for biological Men, Women and their Children. So, in our own journey towards Self-Realization (Actually, becoming really fabulous!); how do we know what is Tempting us off our Yellow Brick Roads?
The men are advised as most men do when their wives nag them about sex or something in the home but they’d rather watch football and put beeswax in their ears saying to themselves; but never out loud for fear of their (scary?!) wives: “Women, Mind your Beezwax!?”
A year before I immersed myself into the Santa Banana culture as an Ambassador and Peer Support Specialist coming from Arizona and worked on my #HomelesstoHome journey and than #StormStreet and now, #DivasandDepression, my focus is to target these challenges that overwhelm that beauty inside us and turns us into modern day Beasts!
While researching, I found a beautiful National Geographic video about a Toxic Butterfly that just like in Life gets entangled into a Web of a deadly Widow but is released and set free. As I shared in a previous video on Storm_Polamalu_, the Spider naturally sets its’ web as to keep it’s eggs protected and catch anything that gets entangled in it. But this particular Butterfly is set free because of it’s actual ability to kill the spider. The Butterfly is Toxic.
In Divas & Depression, Removing Temptations, unwillingly and almost like Dostoyevsky, the Butterflies hears Church bells ring and isn’t shot at from the lineup of gunsment.
Having come home from Rehab and Recovery with my After-Care (Hierarchy Plan); I still ask the question, can an individual measure and manage their own heart and mind tangibly? Can we force the Community to buckle under pressure like a WWE Sasha Banks’ finishing move called “The Bank Statement” or could we just cover our ears and see the real danger, little by little, removing the Temptations on our own.
Are we trustworthy enough and strong enough to remove those Temptations?
I was watching a Preacher by the name of Steven Furtick whose a new evangelical Teacher of modern times. When I was a young believer, weekly we would attend services of large Monday night Bible studies for High-schoolers and Single Adults, led by the likes of Greg Laurie and we often were raised to the stewarding and preaching of a Joel Olsteen and even leaders such as Billy Graham.
In a world that columnizes (and colonizes) groups such as Christians, Muslims, and even the LGBTQ community into different beliefs columns: Temptation in doing or towards doing the wrong thing towards Self-Actualization is challenging for all groups.
As I was listening to Steven Furtick, he mentioned something that was reminiscent about sexual promiscuity where in therapy, I learned the same as, was the heterosexual community. I was having a conversation with my therapist, she mentioned how we love ourselves as a community, we love our “Higher Power” or have faith in “Christ” but the challenge we don’t see in removing temptation is that we lack the “Respect” for ourselves to remove it.
Earlier, I mentioned that by nature, a Spider will snip and release a Toxic Butterfly from the recognition of the Butterflies poison. Ulysses, seemingly had no choice to put beeswax in his ears to avoid the Siren’s songs as a last option as advised. In American movies, a Protagonist will, like in Recovery, have a Spiritual Awakening, and come to a place where they learn to find self-respect or begin to respect themselves to remove or move on and overcome their temptations finding for themselves a Happier Ending or to some sequel to pocket more of your money.
So, in previous Levels, for Divas and Depression; I discussed getting through my own Depression as a fight to regain my happiness. And I’m aware not everyone is a singer or big Yoga fan that can sing themselves happier to invite inspirational words to fill the mind with better thoughts. But some helpful ways that I remember my inner happy self is by singing a song that comes to mind. Sometimes, I even say a small prayer or I say a few mantras like “firmly plant your feet on the ground” or “Yes” as to not argue with the ebb and flow with the Universe.
In Homecoming Queen 2.0, I share my Hierarchy Plan regarding Love and Belonging in the third level of Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The thing about the measure of want or desire is that it doesn’t matter what we want or desire because we all have Needs. So, regardless, these levels are always applicable and the highest level of Self-Realization, whether at your worst or best, were Abraham’s Measure of Development for Albert Einstein.
In the second level: Safety and Stability: the importance of Health and for myself particularly; an important factor in reaching Self-Actualization was managaging Grief. Nobody needs Grief! But we all encounter Grief. Grief and Depression go hand in hand. Grief had become my own answer in my filter of questioning for my hugest Health Challenge.
Whether I was grieving from Societal Pressures, or depressed in the making, or grieving from a loss loved one and even just not sure about how to adjust and where to turn to about being an Adult. I think the major point is that in a world that values Materialism and Stupidity, where someone is here one day and gone the next. I’ve learned that one thing for myself, that cannot be purchased, is relationships.
So, in addition to Grief and Removing Temptation along with my values of Relationship (remember in Principles of the Game your Values can be anything), I’ve made myself comfortable (for the book) but also for my adult-forgetfulness, to write down the most important goals of the day and set aside a time that I like to call: 15 minute Pity-Parties.
My fifteen minute pity parties were essential as a Director working with hundreds of children because I was trained and not allowed to reveal any hindering emotion that could be deemed saddening or “not positive”. Almost all Human Services employees have to remove the emotions from their job title. The goal, as a Director, was to create a safe place for the Community. So, prior to the children being released around 2:45pm everyday, my staff would arrive around 2:15 or so, and I usually got to the classroom around 2:00pm.
This time slot bunched with my previous job, juggling church, gave me a few minutes to bitch and moan for ONLY 15 minutes! Thus, my Fifteen Minute Pity Parties! When the bell rang, it was all negative emotions left at the door, and smiles painted on, really painted ON! Lol
Aside from putting beeswax in your ear to muffle out the horrible sounds of the neighborhood hooker or idiot or the tying oneself to the bow of a boat, as one passes by; there are multiple ways to remove Temptation and even just get through it.
In the video above, there’s an analogy about Turtles when they’re born. When a mother Turtle has many turtles, she gives birth to them on land and then she abandons them. The baby turtles eggs hatch and than off they are to the Ocean. There’s an imprint on the baby turtles belly just underneath the turtle shell that if picked up by human hands, the oils of the hand could set off the turtles internal navigator and the baby turtle may not know what to do or where to go.
Usually, bystanders (turtle lovers) will watch from a distant and cheer on these baby turtles in hope that from their hatching, they make it to the shores of the Ocean. But how do we know this as Adults?
As adults, who from zero to 5 as kids and then all through school make it to 18 to 25; find ourselves feeling sad and depressed about Life.
Where inside ourselves do we find the Inner Turtle that (sometimes slowly) learns to navigate itself to a better Beach? In Writing My Memoir, I used to think to myself (of course in a civil manner lol) my younger self was much happier and stronger than my adult depressed self.
How do I go about Healing and ensuring that the negative imprints of Depression are no longer a trap for my Inner Turtle?
As I mentioned, not everyone will bust out in a Gloria Gaynor song and sing in Mariah Carey fashion (possibly very off-tune but not in the shower) I Will Survive. But can the memory of our 25 year old self really be so overwhelming than 24 years of good ones!
Eckhart Tolle talks about Presence and this practice of Presence, within myself and just feeling the energy within my own physical body helped immensely when I became homeless. I had believed at 31, that I knew everything until I no longer was apart of a body of people and just my own distinctly separate self trying to manage Spiritual Presence. That not only helped me focus better but also could help remind myself that these measures of Emotions and Identity were all socially constructed.
I’ll give an example of the word: Fa’a Fafine: The literal definition means: “in the manner of a women or the way of the women”. But the term Fa’a Fafine is two words: Fa’a meaning “The Way” and Fafine: “Women”. The term doesn’t mean Male nor Female it’s just a term given to males whom act like women or feminine. So, the social construct of Identity or Emotion would have had no place for us until a category or column was created. But on the islands, innately inside a turtle, young males who are born effeminate, are just a third-gender or Fa’a Fafine. So, the Island in the Pacific Ocean has three genders: Male, Females and Fa’a Fafines (and Fa’a Tama).
To never have existed, by natural being, in for the past 37 years as a human being, is still hard because of Social Construct and Prejudices in America.
So, how does that apply to Level 5: Divas & Depression: Removing Temptation. There’s a comment in the video mentioned about a Lion, who has lived it’s whole life in captivity and has never seen The World per say, but if so, then why are there locks on the den so to speak to keep onlookers from the Lion.
Why would a world, knowingly understand a group and individuals but yet push aside their actual identity and being in nature of living happily in America.
The temptations aside from Heterosexual and constructed Male and female identity-groups are vast in that they have to be concern with marvelous competitive productivity, all the while focusing on themselves and usually responsible for a family; sometimes even different baby mamas.
Getting through that larger group of different but no better bodies citizens without falling trap to similar or our own temptations is the work of our Community: Cultural and LGBTQ. “Condoms” was the most hilarious avoidance for temptation as abstinence had been an important factor for straight teens and tweens who got pregnant early but where does that apply to a Diva who are sexual promiscuous but not entirely cognizant of the real dangers they’re participating in. There are AIDS walks, Free Clinics and even free condoms and lube to neutralize sexual activity but not to shame the challenges we face and temptations we can’t see.
Only, innately just like our handprint, could we speak of our own Truths and Traps to better understand the actual Temptations we encounter. For us, stickers that show an inverted sticker in rainbow colored writing that say “Safe Zone” are places we can seek counseling and express those types of dangers and stresses. For myself, it’s the Fear: All-together. I’d like to say for myself that I face fear with love but loving too much something could easily become the same as living in fear. I knew a crackhead who I cared for as a dear Judy who hoarded clothes. I also knew another crackhead who just loved, or lusted and literally contracted anything with open legs and obliviousness to promiscuity and those dangers.
In Divas & Depression, the Level begins with Big Red, the Captain of the Cheer Squad. Big Red is the Head Cheerleader for the Toros in the Hollywood Box Office Hit: “Bring It On”. I had come across her because similarly to myself passing the Torch, no pun intended, she was giving her head cheerleading position to a New Cheerleader!
So, in the beginning of the movie, the girls start with a cheer that’s actually a dream Torrence is having and Big Red, walks through a lineup of male cheerleaders, facing the camera and ultimately announces: “I’m Still Big Red!”.
With a world full of surprises, male or female, sad or happy, I wouldn’t undermine any struggle albeit personal, spiritual, financial, or political that any individual might already have went through. However, in getting through Level 5: Removing Temptations; I share mostly about myself, and if it applies, good but than if I could stretch the connection to a lineup of men such as T.D. Jakes, Father Mike Schmidt, Allan Watts and even Eckhart Tolle, I’d want to be able to say that pursuing my Dreams, Hierarchy Plans and avoiding Temptation - on Divas & Depression with feet firmly planted on the ground: I’m still Sualua.
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